Teenagers tips

Put rubbing alcohol on your dick. The alcohol will then begin rubbing your dick, giving you a great handjob.

You dont have to go back to school if you never left because you've been locked in the janitors closet since the first day of summer.

Someone let me out, it's cold in here

Set your alarm to the sound from the Pacer Test for immediate results!

Rub a pencil all over your dick and keep it in your school backpack, when a girl asks for a pencil, give it to her. She'll technically be touching your dick.

Later virgins

You can't hurt anyone close to you if you abandon all social interaction.

Time to yeetus all my friends away so I don't hurt anyone anymore.

If you ask for a girl's number and they give it to you and you write it down...

Write it down correctly

Never use a song you really like as an alarm tone or it will remind you of those mornings of pain for ever

If someone is trying to murder you, simply decline. It's illegal for them to take your life without your permission

DO NOT start your school assignments the day before.

Some side effects might occur:- Knowing that you will not finish.- anxiety.- making a Meme about not following the advice that I've just wrote.

Don’t eat a whole bag of Cheetos.

So this morning my mom left me to go to a job conference but before she did she went to get some food. She gets carrots, milk, Cheerios, and something that I hadn’t eaten in about 4-5 years: Cheetos. DAMN I loved those things. As soon as she leaves I start eating them. I stop for about 2 hours and come back and eat more. By the end of the day I’ve eaten most of the bag. I then go swimming, swam about a mile and come home and finish the bag.Not two minutes later I rush to the bathroom. Shits going crazy ok. You know those car washes where there’s water n soap spraying around your car? Yeah well whoever uses the bathroom after is gonna see that shit (literally) I mean it’s basically Chernobyl at this point for fuck sake.Thanks for reading. Enjoy dinner guys.